MacGyver Thundercats Picard

We'll, Jason and I are officially trying. 

We've gone back and forth since before Harper was born about when we wanted Baby #3 (henceforth known as MacGyver Thundercats Picard Embry).  We had decided to wait until he got his orders so we had some idea of where we would be and when he would be deployed anytime soon.  But since he found out he's going to be staff pick-up, we know he's not going anywhere for the next few years.

Now, I know there are people who think having a third kid right now is just too soon (Hi Mom!).  But trust me on this -- we have looked at every possible pro and con of which we could think.  For instance:

Con:  Changing Two Sets of Diapers a Day
Response:  Most babies are potty-trained between the ages of 2 and 3.  So, even if we waited there would be a good that Harper would still be in diapers.  Plus, toddlers tend to regress a little when a new sibling arrives, so even if she was out of diapers at the time, we would probably have more accidents with which to deal anyways.  Besides, it's not like changing diapers is a significant part of my day or something I dread.  Everybody poops!

Con:  Harper Won't Have Time to be 'The Baby'
Response:  So?  First, it's not like she'll remember the mounds of attention she gets right now.  Plus, we already have another kid so it's not like Harper gets 100% of her parents 100% of the time as it is.  Having a sibling close in age will give her a playmate and a lifelong friend.  One of my regrets with Kaelin was that she doesn't have a sister that's near her developmentally.  Someone with whom to share secrets and clothes.  A new baby doesn't replace Harper; we'll still love the immeasurable amount we already do. 

Con:  Can't Run a Marathon Pregnant
Response:  Of course you can!  Not that I would as a beginning marathoner, but it's not like marathons are a once in a lifetime event.  If I'm too pregnant to run the Kansas Marathon in 2011, I can run a fall marathon.  Or, I can run it in 2012. 

Edit -- Apparently, the 2011 Kansas Marathon has been canceled.  I take it as a sign. 

Con:  The Closer in Age, The Greater the Sibling Rivalry
Response:  Studies actually show the opposite to be true.  Also, the younger the child is when I new sibling arrives, they less they feel like they are being replaced.  Besides, I think that sibling rivalry is more a product of the parent/child relationship than that of the siblings.

This list could go on and on and on and that's without me even putting a dent in the pros.

Unfortunately, creating MacGyver isn't as simple as A + B = C.  At my age, the chances of conception during a normal cycle is 20%.  But my cycles aren't normal.  They've never been normal and breastfeeding doesn't make them any better.  For the past several years, I've had really irregular cycles, anywhere from 30 to 75 days.  Most have been anovulatory.  The few cycles I have released and egg, I've had a short luteal phase (meaning the egg can be fertilized but can't implant).

Because I know you really wanted to see my chart!

It was nothing short of a miracle that we conceived Harper (or really good luck if you don't believe in that sort of thing). 

I have had my first postpartum bleeding and I have gobs of amazing cervical fluid which are both good signs. But neither is any guarantee that I'm ovulating and I won't know what my luteal phase looks like for a few cycles.  We could get pregnant tomorrow or it could take years.  Worst case scenario is that I would have to wean Harper and then wait months for my body to adjust.  Although, that's not a guarantee because my fertility was really low even before I started nursing. 

All we can do in the meantime is try and wait. 

How Do You Raise More Than One Kid?

Kaelin was an only child for a long time.  After she was born, our family was complete.  We knew we didn't want or need any more kids. 

But life happens and several years later, Jason and I started talking babies.  If?  When?  How many?

Harper was born when Kaelin was 8 1/2 years old.  She loves her little sister and she's a great big sister.  Honestly, I really can't imagine trying to raise another baby without her help.  But things are different now.  I'm older.  I have so much more patience with Harper than I did with Kaelin.  Kaelin had colic.  She would scream for something around 20 hours a day.  When her dad came home, he turned on the Playstation and asked me why I couldn't shut the baby up.  After all, he'd been at work all day. 

I only breastfed Kaelin for 6 weeks and never exclusively.  We didn't cloth diaper.  I didn't feed her homemade baby food.  I had no problem sticking her in front of the tv when she was being too bothersome.  I stuck her in daycare and went back to school without a second thought. 

Harper's experienced the opposite of everything.  She's exclusively breastfed and cloth diapered.  I bought a food processor and have books about making your own purees.  The only tv she watches is when Kaelin or I watch tv.  I'm still not sure if I'll ever go back to work, but I hate the thought of not being with Harper all day.

Do I love Harper more than I love Kaelin?  Of course not.  Do I feel that Harper's gotten a lot more attention than Kaelin did, even as an only child?  Maybe. 

A four month old takes a lot more work than an almost nine year old.  I have to give Harper a bath while Kaelin can take an unsupervised shower.  I have to nurse Harper while Kaelin can pour her own cereal.  Kaelin's content to read quitely in her room while I have to play with Harps.  I try to do special things with Kaelin like let her run errands with me while Jason takes the baby, but she's not really interested.  She doesn't want to watch movies with me and rarely curls up with me in bed.  It doesn't seem that Kaelin feels the same way I do; she's already in negotiations for another sibling (as long as it's a girl).  Yet she tells my parents that she never gets to spend time with me.  Am I missing something?

Wow, I'm completely rambling now.

Would I feel differently if Kaelin and Harper were closer in age?  Or does it not matter how old they are -- I'll always worry that I'm treating them differently?  Does this get easier with more kids?  Harder?  Am I going to have to pay huge therapy bills?