And More Updates

Yeah, yeah... I suck at making up blog titles.  This is going to be a quickie since Harper could wake up at any time and there's a lot of stuff that deserves it's own post so I promise more will be coming later!

Harper finally had her 6 month check-up today.  She's 17 lbs and 26 inches, 60th percentile for both height and weight.  I was a bit concerned that she's down from the 75th percentile for weight, but the doc assured me that it's just because she's crawling.  Apparently babies tend to have a dip when they start moving around.  She loves that Harper's still breastfed and LOVED our cute little cloth diapers.  All in all, we have a very happy, healthy baby.  Not so much as a single fever or ear infection since she's been born.

Cheap velcro and leaking -- FUN

As far as those cute little gDiapers go, I'm having mixed feelings.  I've had a couple questions about them, so I definitely want to talk about them in more depth, but anyone thinking about them may want to hold off. 

Kaelin started homeschooling last Monday.  Overall, I think it's going to work well for us.  There's a little bit of an adjustment on both our parts, but I think she's learned more in a week than she did in a month at Marrington.  She's loving Latin and she's getting a lot more out of her Bible readings than I thought she would.  I'm going to start doing a weekly recap of everything she's learning once we get out of the review stuff. 

I started my fall vegetable garden.  While this might not sound all that impressive, I've never had the green thumb that the rest of my family has.  I mean, I lived on a freaking farm.  My dad was a farmer and I can't even have a houseplant.  Yet, vegetables are expensive and it would be great if I knew how to grow my own food for when the apocalypse comes and I can't just mosey down to Publix.  My Brussels sprouts aren't looking too hot, but my zucchini are magnificent.  I mean, they're only sprouts right now, but they haven't died yet.  Win!  If I even get one little cherry tomato out of this thing, I'll consider it a success!

Brussels sprouts, tomatoes, and zucchini!

Jason's got less than 3 weeks of Prototype left!  These last six months have been pretty trying on our family, but one way or another, it's almost over.  He's on mids (8:30 PM - 8:30 AM) which is the hardest shift he has.  He never gets enough sleep and he walks around like a zombie ALL.  THE.  TIME.  He fell asleep at Harper's doctor appointment this morning if that's any indication of how sleep-deprived he is.  Of course, it's his own fault because he sits downstairs and watches cartoons with me, I mean the kids, instead of sleeping.  He even failed a watch this week because of it.  He was so upset about it because he had down everything perfect up until the last 10 minutes.  He started to zone out and turned a valve the wrong way.  His instructor really didn't want to fail him, but if he did something stupid like that on a real watch, he could have killed someone.  The sad thing is, I gave him a harder time about it than the staff did.  He was worried it would screw up his chances of staying on as an instructor, but his crew kept telling him not to worry about it and that several instructors have failed more than one watch as a student. 

I, being a former nuke, told him to suck it up and stop failing because if he gets sent to Guam, he's going alone.

Ok, maybe I wasn't quite so blunt.  But I did tell him that the Navy's his job and he needs to do whatever he needs to do to not screw up at work even if it means chugging coffee for 12 hours.  Then I reminded him that it's not the end of the world if he doesn't get staff as long as they don't send him to welding school.  Welding school is in Groton and only 3 months long so we wouldn't get to go with him if they made him go there.  I'm sorry, but I'm not spending 12 weeks in this craphole without my husband. 
I feel bad that he's had such a shitty experience with the boat being down practically the whole time while his friends in New York were able to board weeks ago.  Oh well.

Let's see... what else?  I got my first official check from the magazine I write for.  My article should be out in the November issue so I'll probably spend that first check buying magazines that prove I'm an official writer.  Oh, and I totally fit into my old pants (KUrunner desperately needs an update).  Yay me, again!

Updates

Jason officially was picked up for staff so we won't be moving any time soon.  Poor guys having a hard time getting checkouts though because the staff is like, "You don't need to know this as a student, but you'll have to know it in a few months so go learn it now."  He was the only person on his crew to be selected as staff though, so I'm pretty proud of him.  His "friend" also applied, but she didn't even get an interview.  I know, I'm a bitch, but that makes me smile just a little.  She's getting a divorce though, so I'm not really enjoying her misery to the full extent because I'm not that mean.  I did spend the morning in happy tears because a guy who's made life really sucky for the whole crew got really crappy orders when almost everyone else got what they wanted.  Karma, baby! 

Our toilet is broken and no amount of plunging seems to fix it.  We put in a request form with the housing office, but they suck.  Apparently a non-flushing toilet isn't high priority.  Yeah, they're going to like it when I wake up at 2 in the morning and forget it's broken and water seeps through to the bottom floor.  I absolutely love my house, but hate the company we rent from (yet, they are still better than Balfour Beatty who privatized base housing.)

Kaelin starts Mother of Divine Grace homeschool on Monday.  We're pretty excited.  I'm a bit nervous because I'm not sure I should be teaching her Latin or Catholic catechism but it's got to be better than the crap excuse for public school here.  Also, there isn't a Catholic school in town.  Blarg.

Harper is NUTS.  This kid can crawl - hands and knees belly off the floor type crawl.  I mean one end of the room to the other in the 10 seconds it takes to pull out her baby jail Pack & Play.  Also, notice how they aren't called playpens anymore?  I guess people didn't like the idea of putting their kids in a pen.  Anyways, I sit her in her bedroom floor to get pjs out of the closet and she'll be under her crib before I turn around.  She really likes it under her crib.  And under Jason's desk.  And under the coffee table. 

She's in gDiapers now.  I love them.  They are so much lighter than our prefolds/cover combination.  Maybe that's why she's able to get around so fast now.  We also discovered Harps could be a baby model.  Scout's also coming around to her.  It's not like he didn't like her, but now he lets her crawl up and pet him. 

Seriously, aren't I cuter than the babies on the packs of diapers?

Still no teeth, though.

My April marathon has been canceled.  No clue why.  It was on the website one day, then not the next.  I can't justify going to Kansas just to run a half so maybe it is a good time to try for Baby MacGyver Chuck Norris Thundercats Snake Eyes Picard.  Not that we are having any luck with that yet.  I guess I'm going to have to find another race, but since I don't know if it will take us a month or a year to get pregnant, I don't want to lock myself in, you know?

I need a new camera.  I love that my iPhone has a video camera and it takes AMAZING pictures outside in full light.  But if it's not 100% bright in the house, the pictures come out grainy.  Suggestions?

The Longest Week Ever!

Jason's supposed to get orders this week.  (Tomorrow actually, but I'm not holding my breath.)

I have another week until I'll know if I'm having normal cycles again.

Kaelin officially starts her homeschooling next week, so we have to pack a summer's worth of fun into 7 days.

Fun times.

Patiently Awaiting Orders

Or maybe not so patiently...

Arrrghh!

In theory, Jason gets his orders in less than a week.  Of course, we all know how the military is.  Hurry up and wait, right?

Anyways, Jason applied for staff pick-up and according to the staff on his crew, he got it.  I don't know why the current instructors would tell him that he was accepted, but I'll believe it when I see it in writing because I know the second I start my garden in the backyard, his orders will magically change and we'll be off to Guam.  Or I'll buy curtains for the windows in Kaelin's room and we'll be sent to Pearl Harbor. 

I'm not completely okay with us staying in Charleston for another 2.5 years.  The whole place is a swamp and when it rains, you can smell the paper mill.  It's too hot.  It's too humid.  NWS Charleston is one of the crappiest bases I've ever seen.

For the past several months, I've been planning on moving to Norfolk in September.  My family is in Virginia.  We have friends in Norfolk.  I have my grad school application filled out for Old Dominion and I'm just waiting to put it in the mail.  I've researched neighborhoods and parks and birthing centers and gyms and races.  I've even looked at housing in Groton (Hi Breezy!) and Bremerton (Hi Jeff!) in case we didn't get Norfolk.  Honestly, the only reason I even want Norfolk is the proximity to my family.  Part of me still hopes we go to Seattle.  My best friend lives in Seattle and I would completely bring back grunge single-handedly.  And the coffee...

Six months ago, Jason didn't even want staff pick-up.

It began when I realized how cheap housing was in Goose Creek than any other duty station he requested.  We LOVE our house.  It's huge.  We have a massive backyard with a privacy fence.  We have a fireplace and hardwood floors and a garden tub.  And Harper was born here, literally.  We could never find anything similar if we moved to Norfolk (at least not in a decent neighborhood).  We would be stuck in base housing in both Groton and Bremerton, which don't get me wrong -- base housing is nice there, but not nearly as big and as private as what we are living in now.  Plus, we would only qualify for a 3 bedroom until Jason reenlists in a few months.

But really, the big reason Jason decided to apply for SPU is that he won't be deployed anytime soon.  We could move to Norfolk in September and he could be in the middle of the Atlantic by October.  He could miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  He could miss our 5 year anniversary.  He could miss Harper's first step, first word, first birthday.

I've been through a deployment as a Navy wife before.  It sucks.  I know that Jason will be deployed.  I just don't want him deployed right now while Harper's so little and while we are planning a bigger family.  Will I want him to get deployed in 3 years?  Of course not.  But with our current situation, it's preferable to being deployed anytime soon.

Plus, we have a big-ass TV we don't want to move.

Although, this whole post is pretty pointless because it's up to the Navy.  Yes, we've been told we're staying here, but who knows?  All I can do is put our life on hold for another week while waiting to hear the news. 

Battle of the Lawn

"Are you going to mow the lawn this weekend?"

"No, I was going to wait.  It doesn't need it yet."

"Fine, I'll mow the yard this weekend."

"No, that's my job."

"What?  I can't mow the yard because I have boobs?"

"No, you can't mow the lawn because you work so hard inside the house, it's the least I can do."

"So, you're going to mow the yard this weekend?  And the sidewalks need edged too.  I can do that while you mow."

"Yeah, I'll take care of it, and I'll edge the sidewalks too."

"Promise you're going to do it?  We'll get a fine from the housing office if you don't."

"Yeah, I'll do it."

***
So guess what I got in the mail today?  If you said, definitely not a notice from the housing office for having an unkempt yard because you're wonderful husband has been saying he'll take care of it for the past three months, you'd be wrong.

I guess I'll be the one outside tomorrow in 100 degree heat edging the stupid sidewalk.

This is what my yard should look like.  That is, if I didn't have a lazy, chauvinistic husband.

Weekend Recap

We had a perfect 4th of July weekend.  Great food, great friends, great weather.  (Seriously, it was 85 with low humidity!)  Jason had the weekend off, we spent lots of time outdoors, watched movies on the couch, and saw lots of fireworks.  Harper even managed to sleep through the booms; Scout not so much. 

And Harper started crawling this weekend!

Good times.

 

Another Three Months of This, Really?

These last few months have been one of the crappiest periods of my life.  That's so weird to say, though, because at the same time, these past few months have been amazing.  I'm so blessed to have my family, and every day that I get to see Harper and Kaelin grow is just... wow!

But my husband has been non-existant.  He's still at Prototype (a 6 month long, intensive training program) and he's working himself sick.  Unlike his other schools, Prototype is go at your own pace.  You have 22 weeks to do a certain amount of work, but you can finish as early as 13.  Of course, you have to get special permission to finish that early, but it's possible.  More realistically, most people start to finish around 16 weeks until about 20. 

Jason's at the end of week 13. 

There are circumstances beyond his control that's making it really hard for everyone to get qualified.  There's just not enough staff and not enough time to get everything done that needs done.  The way it works is, you have to get a certain number of points a day to stay about the curve, the curve being the number of points you need at any given time to finish in week 22.  If you fall below the curve, you're dinq (delinquint in qualification).  If you're dinq, bad things happen.  You get to work 14 hour days instead of 12.  If you get far enough ahead of the curve, good things happen.  You get to work 10 hour days instead of 12. 

Thankfully, Jason's never been dinq.

He's been on reduced hours most of prototype, even though he doesn't usally take them.  Most of the time, he goes into work a couple hours early so he can get a head start.  While he's at work, he rarely takes breaks.  He eats lunch at his desk while he studies.  Needless to say, after 10+ hours a day, 7 days a week of this, he's turned into a zombie.

He comes home and falls asleep in the middle of a conversation.  When he does have the energy to talk, it's always about work.  He's so stressed because he feels like he should be doing better.  But he's one of 3 mechanics on his crew who aren't dinq.  Really, there's nothing else he can do, but that doesn't stop him from trying.  I love that he's so ambitious and wants to do well.  One of the problems from our early relationship was that he was a bit too content sitting in front of the computer all day while I was at work.  I just want him to lighten up a little. 

I've tried to tell him it doesn't get much easier after he graduates.  Who cares if he qualifies week 16 instead of week 22?  Absolutely nobody.  When he gets to his next boat, he has to do it all over again.  Welcome aboard, you're dinq and all that.  Except it's going to be worse.  Instead of training, it's a real boat.  You know, one that actually goes underwater and fights the bad guys.  When he gets to the fleet, he'll have duty days.  He'll have underways.  He'll have deployments.  We aren't going to see much of him at all.  I've been doing this for over ten years. 

I'm a Navy wife.  I accept this.

But he's at a training command now, and damn it, I want my husband back.

Note:  I know that there are people who have it worse off than we do.  My heart goes out to the guys who work just as hard as Jason, but still have to put in extra hours.  However, your complaints that you don't get to see your family because you work 14 hour days don't weigh very much when you go home, ignore your wife and play Halo for 6 hours.  It also doesn't make sense to complain that you don't get to see your husband if you go out with your friends every night after he gets home.  I also really don't care that you don't get to see your boyfriend because he's on a different crew.  You date a fellow sailor, what did you expect?  Don't bitch about your 6 month deployment when you spend more time playing WoW than with your kids.


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Summer Lovin'

Continuing with the trend of late posts...

Last week, we took the kids downtown to do a little sightseeing and buy Jason a new pair of shoes.  (Good Lord, he needed new shoes.)  The day started with Harper's 4 month check-up and shots, followed by a lot of errands, then we finally made it into Charleston.  I have to say I was pretty impressed with Harper.  Even though shots usually make her grumpy, she only cried once and we were gone for a long time.  Kaelin even kept the complaining to a minimum.  It seemed like everything was working out in our favor. 

Except the weather.

Weather guy said it was supposed to be sunny.

I checked the forecast before we left.  I checked it again on our way.  Sunny, hot, and humid (completely the norm for South Carolina).  Of course, as soon as we get downtown the clouds rolled in and the thunder started.  We had lunch, Jason got his shoes (the guy at the running store was an ass, btw) and decided to walk down King St to the water.  It's only about a mile each way, but it starting misting a few block into our walk.  Not knowing if it was going to stop or start all-out raining, we turned back.  I have to say, I was really disappointed.

This is the view we were missing out on.

Since we couldn't walk to the water, we decided to drive by and at least look at it.  But there was a parking spot!  Right there on the battery!  Yay!  We parked, got the stroller back out and walked along the river.  It was way too hot.  It was way too humid.  There was so much static electricity that our hair was standing up!

Lightning so would have struck her.

We were completely wiped by the time we got home, but it was definitely worth it!  I can't wait until our next outing.  Maybe the aquarium?  The beach?  A museum? 

Kaelin enjoyed it.

Harper wasn't nearly as impressed.

The single picture of all four of us together.

Love and Happiness

I know I haven’t been posting much on her because, well, I’ve been enjoying my family. I would apologize, but no offense to my wonderful readers, I’d much rather be hanging with the kids than sitting on the computer with you.

;-)

In all seriousness, the last few weeks have been great. Jason’s been crazy busy at work, but it’s made us appreciate the time we have with him all that much more. Kaelin’s out of school now and we’ve been having a blast with our mini summer homeschooling session. Plus, Harper’s getting to a really fun age (instead of the eat, sleep, poop newborn phase). So, I have lots to update about when I get a few minutes.

I also checked my blog stats this morning — and people are reading this blog! I mean, obviously, I don’t have the kind of readership that my favorite mommy blogs have, but it just amazes me that people are reading what I’m saying. Two Embrys started out as a blog for my family to see pictures of the kids so I get absolutely giddy everytime I log on and have a new comment. Seriously, if you are reading… leave a comment (unless you’re just going to tell me how much I suck)! I love the advice and information I’ve been getting from you guys. Thanks for reading and putting a smile on my face.

Until next time, I’ll leave you with some pure cuteness — a picture of Kaelin at 4.5 months (the same age Harper is now!)

Front facing car seat?  Oh, what I've learned in 8 years...

P.S. If you like my writing, feel free to mosey on over to my fitness blog, KUrunner. I try to keep most of the mommy stuff over here, but honestly, what mom doesn’t want to live a healthy lifestyle? (Yes, this is shameless self-promotion here. Sorry!)

P.P.S I think it’s safe to say that I might be over my little episode of depression! Yay!

Happy Father's Day

My daddy.

A little more recent.

The man I chose to father my children.

Postpartum Depression (and More Pity Party)

I’m depressed.

I don’t know if it’s postpartum depression though. I had the “baby blues” right after Harper was born. I was happy, but I would just start crying for no reason. I chalked it up to the hormones and lack of sleep and after a couple of days, I was fine. I’ve been on an all out google search trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me but I haven’t really gotten any answers. Apparently, I don’t match any of the symptoms of PPD nor do I have any of the risk factors.

Let’s see. Loss of appetite. Nope. Quite the opposite, in fact. Insomnia. No. Irritability or anger. Well, yes, but I think that’s more related to Jason being an ass lately instead of my depression. Although, maybe I’m only angry at him because I’m depressed. Or maybe both. Fatigue. Yes, duh. What mom with a new baby isn’t fatigued? Loss of interest in sex. I’m not throwing my clothes off for the above said ass husband, if that’s what you mean. Feelings of shame or inadequacy. Nope, I’m pretty effing awesome. Mood swings. Nope. Difficulty bonding with the baby. Whatever — Harps and I are tight. Thoughts of harming the baby. Again, no. I have the best baby in the world. I haven’t wanted to throw her out the window once.

Looking at my symptoms (or lack there of), it appears that everything is Jason-based. I’ll agree that all of the crap going on with our marriage isn’t exactly helping, but I think I’ve been depressed longer than that. I don’t know; maybe it has gotten tons worse since he made a new “friend.” Maybe it’s not even depression at all. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like when you lose that connection that you’ve spent years building. I doubt it though. It was so bad yesterday, I couldn’t even manage to get out of bed to take Kaelin to school.

*sigh*

I have no clue, and I would hate to call it PPD when it’s not. A lot of moms (and some dads) go through this and in my opinion, it’s not taken seriously enough. I also have no faith in my doctor to actually diagnose me correctly and even if he did say I have depression, so what? It’s not like I would agree to take any sort of medication anyways. Just because there isn’t proof that something is dangerous isn’t proof that it’s safe. In fact, there are NO depression medications considered safe while breastfeeding and only a handful that are “probably safe.”

*more sighs*

Anyways, a brief update (or maybe not so brief) on Jason. I had the pleasure of meeting his “friend” last week. She was WAY too touchy feely with him to the point that I got up and left. Jason later told me that I was being rude, but it was either leave or punch her. I don’t think he realizes it, but me punching her is not an empty threat. Granted, it’s been 10 years, but I did spend the night in jail for punching a girl. (For the record, she hit me first and I had absolutely no clue who she was.) What really bothers me about it is that he didn’t care that she was hanging on him. I want to know what exactly is happening at work that she feels so comfortable around MY husband. He told me not to worry because she was married, but um, hello… married people never cheat?

I just don’t get the whole situation. He thinks that I have a problem with him working with any female, but that’s not the case. I know that the two genders can be friend and be just friends. I was in the military. I have a degree in a male-dominated discipline. My closest friends are male. In fact, I would say something like 99% of my friends are male. I really don’t care if he is working with a girl. I care that he is working with this girl. I’m not okay with them flirting all day. I’m not okay with her sitting in his lap. I’m not okay with him getting mad at me because I’m not okay with them flirting all day and her sitting in his lap.

*deep breath*

This has completely strained our marriage. I really do wish I was okay with their relationship, but I’m not and that’s not going to change. I trust him not to physically cheat, but it pretty much ends there. I’m at a loss for what to do now. I refuse to give him an ultimatum because I don’t want to be the bad guy and because he’s made it clear that he’s going to continue working with her no matter what my feelings are on the subject. I’m not willing to let her ruin my marriage but the whole thing is just making whatever depression I’m battling with worse.

And I have to deal with this for the next 5 months.

Too Cute Tuesday

Wow, wow, wow! What an absolutely amazing morning!

First up, a local magazine wants to publish my rant about formula. I have absolutely no clue how they came across my blog, but it amazes me that someone wants to actually put my words into print. Actually, nix that. It amazes me that people even read my blog. I don’t consider myself a writer, but it’s absolutely the best feeling to be able to express yourself in words that others want to read. The funny thing is, I really dislike my writing style (maybe because I’m married to a “real” writer) yet I’ve only received glowing feedback. Anyways, the details are still being hashed out and I’m not going to hold my breath, but how cool would it be if this thing actually happened? One article could lead to two, then to three, and who knows… maybe another magazine, then another. Maybe even an actual column. (FYI, magazine writing pay completely sucks. But, as of now, I’m writing for free and anything is more than nothing. Plus, I could spew my very important opinions at thousands of people.)

Next is Harper’s Birth Video. I originally uploaded it to youtube, and it had more than 5,000 hits in the first day it was up. Okay, so 5,000 views doesn’t seem like much when you consider that Evolution of Dance has like 150 million hits, but it’s about 4,950 more views than I expected. In fact, several birthing websites have contacted me to get permission to repost the video on their sites. If even one person watches Harper’s birth and contemplates going natural instead of automatically opting for the standard drugged up hospital delivery, I’ve done what I intended to do.

I have to admit, I was really nervous about sharing that video with the general public. I mean, nobody (except maybe Heidi Klum) looks good during childbirth. Hell, I’m afraid to post my very unflattering P90X pictures over at KUrunner. Also, I’m having a baby… on a toilet. How many of you have watched some show on TLC and thought the woman who said, “Well, I didn’t know I was having a baby!” was an idiot? (Trust me, had I realized Harps was coming, I would have gone someplace slightly less embarrassing.) So, I was a bit scared when I logged onto youtube and had an inbox full of HUNDREDS of messages. Thankfully, most of them were good — thanking me for posting it and telling me how inspiring it was. I even got a few questions about natural birth. Of course, I did get a couple that were along the lines of, “You idiot, you had your baby in a toilet.” I even had one admonish me for “glamorizing unassisted home births.”

A. Yes, I had an unassisted home birth, but it wasn’t planned and I would never willingly do it again.  (I mean, unassisted.  If I have a home birth, there will be a midwife there.)

B. Glamorizing? Um, what part of that video was glamorous in any sense of the world?  Maybe I just look that awesome during labor that everyone wants to copy me?

Overall though, I’m pretty happy with the reactions I’ve gotten from both my friends and strangers about Harper’s video and my writing.

And now, just because she’s so darned cute, I leave you with this.

Harper’s Birth Video

After much consideration, I’ve decided to post Harper’s birth video online for all the world to see.  I absolutely hate watching the “educational” birth shows on television, but everything is blurred out so you can’t actually see anything.  So, I figured, if I’m not willing to post my vagina on youtube, I can’t complain about Discovery Health.


If you remember Harper’s birth story, she arrived by surprise at home after a quick labor.  We were planning a natural birth using the Bradley method, but we really didn’t get to use many of the techniques because of the short labor.  We did get our natural birth, though!


Ok, before you actually watch the video, realize that it does involve a tiny person coming out of my body; therefore, there is nudity and lots of gross-looking fluid stuff.  If you are squeamish or don’t want to see the vagina of a 9 month pregnant woman, you probably shouldn’t click play.  Also, the video was recorded by Kaelin and I’m sideways for the first half.


Without further ado…

Welcome to My Pity Party

I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps today.  I’m not really sure how to describe it though.  I don’t know; maybe I just need some chocolate.

I hate this town.  I hate that I’m 10+ hours away from all of my friends and family.  I hate that I don’t know where we’ll be in 6 months.  I hate all the stupid websites I’m dealing with and all the stupid technical errors that I have no clue how to fix.  I hate my dog and all of his barking.  I hate that I’m the only one in this house who knows how to put laundry away.  I hate that I’m too lazy to workout.  I hate that it’s almost swimsuit season.  I hate the effort it would take for me to go to the market and get some bananas.  I hate this pollen.  I hate the stupid guy who thinks it’s fun to drive around the block in his Honda playing Big Pimpin’ on full base.  Oh, and I hate my husband.

Maybe not hate, but I’m feeling very annoyed with Jason.  See if this makes sense to you — normally, he’s required to work 12 hour days.  If you are doing well enough with training, they give you “reduced hours” meaning you get to work 4 hours less a week.  You could go home an hour early for 4 days or 4 hours early on one day.  Make sense?  Well, Jason’s on reduced hours this week, but instead of coming home an hour early, he’s chosen to work 14 hour days.  For instance, yesterday he left the house at 4:45 AM and didn’t get home until after 7:00.  He says he has to put in extra time to continue to do well enough to get reduced hours.  But what’s the point in having reduced hours if you’re just going to work more hours anyways?  He says him leaving for work two hours early doesn’t effect us because we are still asleep, but when he falls asleep two hours earlier than usual, it does have an afffect.  He’s even mentioned working this weekend so that he can have reduced hours during the week.

I know that I’m just bitching over a couple of hours here, but I’m frustrated.  When he goes out to sea, I’m not going to see him for 6-10 months at all.  I mean, he’s on shore duty right now.  Is it wrong for me to want to see him every night?

Oh, and get this.  Last night, he passes out and I’m not sure what sort of dream he was having, but it definitely wasn’t my name he was saying.  I resisted the urge to put a pillow over his face, but only because I know you can’t control dreams.  But seriously!?!

Maybe this needs a little bit of backstory.  At prototype, it’s usually easier to pair up with another sailor and work together on checkouts.  He prefers to work with women because, sadly to say, it’s easier for girls to get checkouts.  He’s never had a problem coming home and talking to me about his partner whether it’s a girl or a guy.  Well, earlier this week, he was telling me about his day and kept saying “we.”  So, I asked him who he was working with.

Deer in the headlights.

After a moment of silence, I asked him again.  “Oh, nobody important.  Just some person,” was his answer. Strange.  That’s not usually the response I get.  After a couple minutes of prodding, he finally tells me that it was just some girl, then changes topics.  At this point, I’m getting curious because he’s acting all shady, but everytime I bring up his day, he ignores me.  Finally, as we are getting ready for bed, I asked if he was acting weird because he was attracted to her.  Silence.  I ask him again and he very impatiently responds, “No.  Of course not.  Not really.”

I want to clarify here, that even if he had said yes and that she was the hottest chick ever, I’d be okay with that.  It’s not like I haven’t been attracted to another guy in the last 4 years and I’m pretty sure I’d leave him if Taylor Lautner came into the picture.  (Team Jacob FTW!)

Anyways, as I’m up feeding his child at 4 in the morning, he tells me all this sweet stuff about him being committed to me, etc.  Up until this point, nothing bad had even crossed my mind, but things are starting to sound an awful lot like they did when I was with Brandon.  I know it’s not fair to Jason, but once you’ve been cheated on, it’s always there.  You lose your faith in guys not to be complete douches.  I trust Jason 100%.  (Plus, he’s too afraid of me to cheat.  He’s not certain whether I would literally kill him, but he knows I would leave without any hesistation.)

He’s just been acting strange this week.

Add to this odd behavior the dream and working extra hours and now I’m wondering why exactly he is spending all this time at work instead of with his family.  I know that I am all shades of awesome and he’d be stupid to think otherwise, but maybe he is attracted to this girl — and not just in a she’s hot sort of way.

*sigh*

Or maybe I’m just being incredibly neurotic.  I’m sleep deprived.  I see my husband less than 3 hours a day and most of those hours are spent talking about work.  I have a shitty-ass ex-husband who has ruined my faith in human beings.

Or maybe Jason just forgot to take the trash out this morning (for the 50 billionth time) and I’m looking to pick a fight.

Either way, he better bring home some chocolate.

Prototype

Jason starts the next phase of his training on Monday — prototype. Basically, protoype is a moored ship that he’ll learn all the skills that he’ll actually use out in the fleet. Most everything else up to this point has been theory.

Jason and his CO

We are both excited for him to start. I’ve really enjoyed having him around the house 20 hours a day so he could help out and bond with Harper, but it’s time for him to work on his career. The sooner he’s done with prototype, the sooner we get out of this crap town. He also gets a nifty bonus when he finishes training as well as almost 2 years of back sub pay. We’ll also get about an extra $600 a month. Yay!

Of course, it’s not all about the money. Jason’s a lifer (meaning someone who plans to spend 20 years in the service) and he really wants to get picked up for OCS so he can become an officer. Everyone at his command thinks he would be a great officer and I have no doubt that he could make it into the program… except… he wants to be a nuke officer. To apply for the nuke program, you have to have 2 semesters of calculus and 2 semesters of physics. He only has one semester of each and there is no way he could get both of those classes waived. When he gets to his next duty station, he’s planning to take those classes at a local college, then apply. However, he’s old. Not old old, but old in the Navy sense. You have to have an age waiver if you are over 26 and you can only apply with that waiver until you are 29. So, he’s fighting against the clock here. The more time he spends at a training command where he isn’t allowed to take extra classes is less time he has to put in his packet.

Sadly, if he gets picked up for OCS, he’ll have to go through the training pipeline again as an officer. Another 6 months of power school then another 6 months of prototype.

*sigh*

He better look good in chokers.

Harper’s Birth Story

I woke up from a nap having contractions. They were irregular, but fairly intense so Jason and I figured that tonight would be the night. We had planned to spend most of the labor at home watching movies and relaxing with the techniques we learned in our Bradley class.

Introducing Harper Grace

Unfortunately, I wound up chained to my toilet. I started having really bad diarrhea, and every time I would get up, I felt like I needed to go again. Half an hour after my contractions started, my water broke. Even though I had been in labor for less than an hour, we decided to go ahead and call the doctor. He told us to head to the hospital and he’d meet us there.

Jason and Kaelin started taking our bags out to the car, but shortly after my water broke, the contractions really picked up. They were still irregular, but coming between every 1 and 5 minutes. Jason was trying to get me to relax, but I just couldn’t stand to be touched. I was leaning over the bathtub thinking that there was no way I’d be able to have a natural birth because the pain was just way too much. There may have been some screaming involved.

How can someone so little be loved so much?

I finally make it downstairs when I get the urge to go to the bathroom again. I figured the hospital was half an hour away so I better go before we leave. I sat down on the toilet and realized that it wasn’t a bowel movement coming out. I yelled for Jason who walked into the bathroom to find me crowning on the toilet. He asked Kaelin to get some towels and the video camera then made me squat on the floor holding onto his shoulders for support. I kept trying to sit back down, but he wouldn’t let me. While I was squatting, the baby’s head came out without any pushing. One push for the shoulders and less than two hours after labor started, she was here!

Thankfully, she didn’t have any emergency issues when she was born. She came out screaming, was pink, and tried to nurse right away. Jason called the paramedics because our hospital was more than 30 minutes away and it was rush hour in Charleston. They came, cut her cord, and put us in the ambulance. Of course, it was raining, and they didn’t give me time to put a robe on, but we made it to the hospital in one piece.

Harps and her proud Mama

Looking back, I realize that we got the birth we wanted. There was no medical intervention, at least not until after she was born. Jason got to catch the baby (something our OB refused on our birth plan) and it was just our family to welcome her into the world.